


Once More With Feeling

by LunarHermit



Series: Everything Stays (Everything Changes) [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Byleth is slowly turning into a Nabatean, Comfort, F/F, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fluff, Panic Attack, Silver Snow Route, Spoilers, This is one of the changes she goes through, headcanons, overwhelming feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21693199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarHermit/pseuds/LunarHermit
Summary: Byleth gets easily overwhelmed by just how strong her emotions are now. Panicking, she seeks out Rhea.
Relationships: My Unit | Byleth/Rhea
Series: Everything Stays (Everything Changes) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563757
Comments: 17
Kudos: 111





	Once More With Feeling

“Well,” Manuela’s voice sounded out moments before she rounded the curtain, eyes glued to the chart in her hand as she went over her notes. “Nothing _seems_ to be wrong with you, though I could easily be mistaken; you never really were an ordinary patient to begin with.”

Byleth tilted her head in question as she shrugged back into her coat, sleeves trailing uselessly behind her as always.

“Oh, don’t give me that innocent look, Professor. You know very well what I’m talking about.” Manuela gazed at the seated Byleth overtop the medical chart, tone dry. “My heart damn near beat out of _my_ chest when I realized that _yours_ _wasn’t_.”

“I told you it didn’t,” Byleth replied plainly.

“You did, and I thought you were making a joke because medical exams made you uncomfortable.” Manuela rolled her eyes good naturedly. “And if you were literally anyone else, I would have been right. But you’ve always had a habit of utterly exceeding expectations, haven’t you?”

“I just do what I can,” Byleth shrugged, demurring mildly. “I’m nothing special, really.”

Manuela stared at the serious expression gazing back at her for a long minute before sighing in exasperation, chart smacking lightly into her brow as she shook her head. “And the worst part is that you actually believe that, don’t you?”

“Well, despite your rather large case of obliviousness, your physical didn’t turn up much out of the ordinary.” Manuela placed the chart on the bed and stepped closer to the younger woman, hand reaching up to rub a lock of green hair between her finger and thumb. “You seemed to have lost all hair that isn’t on your head – whether it grows back or not, we’ll have to wait and see. But, besides the obvious color change, and the fact that you likely won’t ever have to shave again, you are the picture of perfect health.”

“That being said, a physical doesn’t account for everything. Have _you_ noticed any differences?” Manuela asked, only for Byleth to frown lightly in thought. Following Byleth’s gaze, she released the silken hair she had been unconsciously playing with. “Oh, sorry there Professor, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just can’t get over how soft it is; I know people who would _literally_ kill to have hair naturally this soft.”

“I like it better when Lady Rhea does it.” Byleth spoke bluntly.

Manuela blinked in surprise, then blinked again. While not the difference she was talking about, this was _far_ more interesting a topic. Eyebrows slowly rising, she nevertheless kept her voice calm and collected; despite her inner diva chomping at the bit at that juicy morsel of information, she was a consummate professional after all. “…You mean to say that you like it better when the archbishop plays with your hair?”

Manuela was rather proud of the fact that her voice only cracked a tiny bit near the end.

Byleth blinked. Tilting her head in thought, she considered the terminology Manuela used and ultimately decided that it sufficed. Finally, Byleth nodded quite seriously. “Yes.”

“Oh, my.” Manuela was at a loss for words for the barest of moments before a devilish smile slowly slid across her lips. “…And does Lady Rhea often play with your hair?”

“No.”

Byleth’s single syllable answer was enough for the thoughts rushing through Manuela’s mind to screech to a halt. Grin immediately flopping into a frown, she peered into bright green eyes almost desperately. If her love life was going nowhere fast, she needed to live vicariously through _someone_. “…But you want her to, right? You want her to play with your hair more often?”

Byleth’s eyes flitted around the room at the almost too earnest question, wishing for silent advice that would never come. The silence stretched on, Manuela’s face close and expression expectant. Deciding honesty was the best policy, and honestly not seeing the need to hide her answer, Byleth uncertainly decided to elaborate.

“…Yes.”

Manuela’s eyes practically sparkled at Byleth’s short answer. “Why _Professor_ , I-”

A loud cough from outside the infirmary interrupted Manuela, causing her to shoot the door a frown. Turning back to Byleth, she tried again.

“I didn’t-”

**_Cough_**.

“Didn’t think-”

**_Cough_** , **_cough_**.

“Think you-”

A fifth cough devolved into an all-out coughing fit, and Manuela shot the door a disgruntled look before eyeing Byleth sternly, finger poking a clothed chest to emphasize her point. “This conversation isn’t over.”

Striding over to the door, Manuela opened it and gazed, entirely unamused, at the coughing man leaning against the wall for support. Her honeyed tone dripped with irritation. “I heard you the first time, Hanneman. You really should be more careful. People your age-”

“What do you-” Hanneman squeezed out between coughs, voice strained though audibly offended. “Mean, ‘ _my age_ ’?”

“I mean you’re old,” Manuela stated bluntly, expression bored. Turning around, she walked back into the infirmary, absently grabbing Byleth’s chart on her way towards her desk. “We’ve been over this, multiple times at that. I’ll make a note in your file that senility must already be settling in.”

“Old?” Hanneman all but choked on the word, his face turning an odd shade of purple. Storming in, he stomped after the seemingly disinterested doctor and completely bypassed Byleth. “ _Senile_! You-”

Byleth sighed silently as both professors predictably began to bicker, blocking out the world around them as they did so. Deciding swiftly to leave them to their odd courting rituals, as Sothis had once amusedly put it, she ducked around the curtain and quietly left the room.

**0o0o0o**

It took Byleth until midmorning before she concluded that there _was_ something different with her, besides the obvious. She felt distinctly odd all morning, and just barely managed to hide that fact from the few students she ran into while aimlessly wandering. Each conversation added to the feeling, however, and her discomfort grew until she was actively avoiding people.

At first, she had simply chalked it up to not having Sothis around anymore to help her converse with people. Byleth had always had a hard time putting her thoughts into actual words, and so tended to speak in monosyllables - if at all. In their year together, the diminutive goddess had become quite adept at detangling the many thoughts swirling through Byleth’s mind at any given time, and Byleth had come to rely on her conversational prompts.

It was as she was spotted by Alois and was cornered into a conversation that her theory was proven incorrect. Listening to Alois reminisce about his time as Jeralt’s squire, her mind was drawn towards her father. Thinking about her father had her inevitably thinking about his last moments, and the sharp pain that followed as if the event had happened mere moments ago caused an involuntary gasp to escape her lips.

“I-I have to go.” Hand pressed over her un-beating heart, stomach churning, Byleth barely looked at Alois as she mumbled the words and all but ran away.

She made it halfway to her room before the realisation that Sothis wouldn’t be there had her freezing at the mouth of an alley before stumbling inside to slump against the wall, a small sound of distress ripping itself from her throat. Never again would Sothis’ soothing voice comfort her after a hard day or scold her for doing something she deemed careless or childish. The memory of phantom hands brushing through her hair as a soft voice hushed her muffled cries flew through Byleth’s mind, and the jagged pain in her heart grew.

Her ears pricked as the sound of voices grew near. Eyes wide with panic, breath fast and labored, her gaze shot towards the mouth of the alley. Someone laughed boisterously, the sound altogether too loud in Byleth’s ears. A boot flashed into sight, freezing before it could begin its descent.

Byleth closed her eyes and attempted to get her breathing under control while the strain of keeping time at bay slowly drained her energy and battered relentlessly at her focus. She managed to hold time for a handful of minutes, just enough so that she was no longer gasping for air, before pulsing backwards. Energy spent, she was only able to gain a few seconds but that was all she needed. Stumbling further into the shadows of the alley, she continued her breathing exercises and waited for the group of students to pass.

Eyes closed, forehead pressed against the rough stone wall, Byleth carefully considered her next course of action. She couldn’t go back to her room, not when it radiated silence and loneliness. She couldn’t go spend time with her students to distract herself; the very thought stirring that feeling of discomfort, flashes of memory and emotion rippling through her before she was able to stubbornly cut them off.

She could…

She could stay in the alley, alone, and try to wrangle her emotions into something resembling normal.

She could.

But she didn’t want to.

She wanted…

_“I will be watching over you always. Always and forever...”_

Byleth squeezed her eyes shut and grit her teeth, the new pang of emotion hitting her like a punch to the gut. Breathing through it, she pushed unsteadily off the wall and haltingly started forward. Leaning against the mouth of the alley with one hand, the other still fisted in the material over her chest, Byleth glanced up at the sun’s position.

From previous experiences, Rhea should be in the audience chamber for a little while yet. Hoping the archbishop would not choose that day of all days to start deviating from her schedule, Byleth looked around to orient herself. Grimacing as she realized she was near the stables, Byleth worried her lip before taking another shuddering breath. Mentally mapping the routes she could take with the least amount of traffic, she squared her shoulders and focused on putting one step in front of the other.

The path she ended up taking was long and winding, and more than once she’d ended up hiding or backtracking to avoid being seen by a familiar face. When she absolutely couldn’t move forward without being seen, she’d done her best to channel the aura of unapproachableness she’d unknowingly cultivated as a mercenary. Though she succeeded in her mission of avoiding any confrontations, it ended up taking longer than she’d have liked to make it up to the second floor.

Peering around the corner at the top of the stairs, Byleth was grateful to not see Catherine hovering about, though the single guard at the entrance to the audience chamber made her stomach drop. While Byleth was convinced that Rhea could more than handle herself in a fight, there were _always_ at least two guards on duty at the door when she was in attendance.

Steeling herself with an inner sigh, Byleth donned her usual blank expression and walked coolly down the hall.

It took her only two steps into the audience chamber before a small frown broke through her mask of apathy. Besides a pair of knights and a few monks chattering between themselves, the grand chamber was empty, Rhea nowhere to be seen. The churning in her gut grew as a hand fisted discreetly around the bottom of her coat. Turning abruptly to leave, her eye caught Cyril’s as the hardworking and enthusiastic boy entered from a side-room.

“Oh, hey Professor,” Cyril grinned, giving her a small wave as he approached. “Anything I can help ya with?”

Byleth gave him a nod in greeting, her body subtly stiffening in reflex. When she wasn’t immediately overwhelmed with a deluge of emotions, she cautiously relaxed her stance, her gaze drifting to take in the empty throne at the end of the room before returning to questioning brown eyes.

“Looking for Lady Rhea?” Cyril questioned before frowning apologetically at Byleth’s delayed nod. “Sorry to say ya just missed her. She and Seteth just left for a meeting, something to do with monastery security, I think. She told me to report back in a few hours, so it could take a while.”

A brief frown twitched across Byleth’s lips, the tightening in her chest making itself known once more.

“I could take a message for ya, if ya want,” Cyril offered helpfully.

Byleth was silent for a long moment, internally debating, before slowly shaking her head. “…No. It wasn’t important.”

Cyril gave her an odd look before nodding. “If you’re sure, Professor. Let me know if ya change your mind.”

Byleth nodded absently, knuckles whitening as her grip tightened. Her breathing had started to quicken again, and it was steadily getting worse. Distracted gaze jumping between the few people milling about, she swiftly made her way out of the room without another word.

Brown eyes watched her retreat in concern.

**0o0o0o**

Rhea let out a silent sigh of relief as the overlong meeting finally ended. Green eyes glancing at the darkened sky outside the window, she watched as the assembled personnel quickly gathered up their notes and left, Seteth included. Frowning slightly, she considered attempting to initiate a conversation with him only for her eyes to snag on Cyril’s mop of brown hair hovering about the doorway. Catching his eye, she beckoned him forward, internally frowning at his look of unease.

“Cyril?” Rhea prompted gently.

“I did as ya asked Lady Rhea and ordered the items ya wanted from the market. They should be delivered in a day or two, the merchant said.” Cyril reported dutifully.

“Thank you, Cyril. That is good to hear. You’ve been very helpful, as always.” Rhea smiled, the boy grinning unabashedly at her praise. Still, Rhea couldn’t help but notice that something was off. “Was there anything else to report?”

“No, Lady Rhea.” Cyril shook his head, only to pause. “Well, actually, now that ya mention it, the Professor was looking for you earlier.”

“Oh?” Rhea’s focus immediately sharpened, though she managed to keep her voice calm. “Did she say why?”

“No, and I asked her if she wanted me to give ya a message, but she said it wasn’t important and left.” Cyril frowned and shifted slightly in unease.

“Is there anything else? You seem uncertain about something.” Rhea probed gently.

“Well, I could be wrong but,” Cyril shrugged hesitantly. “I don’t know. It just seemed to me like she was really troubled about something.”

“I see.” Rhea frowned, immediately concerned.

“I saw her go into Captain Jeralt’s- sorry, the Knight Captain's office a few hours ago.” Cyril frowned in thought. He’d been all over the monastery since then but didn’t remember seeing her afterwards. “I think she’s still in there. I can go check if ya want?”

“No thank you Cyril, you should take some time to relax after running errands all day.” Rhea finally stood from her chair, hands smoothing down her robe out of habit. “As I am free for the moment, I will check in on our dear Professor.”

“Thanks, Lady Rhea!” Cyril grinned, expression lightening. “I’m sure the Professor will appreciate it. I’ll be back bright and early to help out with more jobs.”

After bidding the earnest boy a good night, Rhea made her way as swiftly as she could to the Captain’s office without being obvious. A quick glance confirmed that she was alone as she reached the closed doors. Knocking, she called out, “Professor?”

Silence greeted her.

Frowning, she opened one of the doors and slipped in, letting the heavy wood click shut behind her. The room was bathed in darkness, the candles placed strategically around the room having been left unlit. The slight hint of moonlight creeping in from the stained-glass window was more than enough for Rhea’s sharper than human eyesight, however, and she was easily able to scan the room.

She almost missed the form tucked into the corner of one of the couches, curled up as it was, except for the pale hair shining softly despite the minimal light. Eyes softening and heart clenching in guilt, Rhea sighed and murmured almost silently to herself. “My dear Professor. I fear life has been terribly unkind to you, and no small amount of the fault is my own.”

With a small burst of magic, Rhea distractedly lit the solitary candle sitting on the large desk, the small flame just barely bathing the room in a dim glow. Moving forward, she glanced at the seating arrangements for a moment before finally deciding to sit on the couch beside the subject of her concern. She then took a moment to simply gaze at Byleth, silently examining the curled-up form.

Byleth was tucked into the corner of the couch, back to the armrest and leaning heavily into the purple upholstery. Boots discarded haphazardly under the low table, her legs were drawn up tightly to her chest and encircled by her arms. Her head was buried in her knees; her face obscured by wild green hair.

Rhea’s hand moved forward and gently lay upon Byleth’s shoulder. The body beneath her palm stirred almost immediately, green locks falling to the side as Byleth’s head shifted slightly on its perch. Slowly, a pair of green eyes faintly glowing with an inner light cracked open and blearily met her own.

“…You’re here?” Byleth mumbled faintly, blinking tiredly in muted confusion.

Though Rhea’s eyes stayed soft, her expression gentle, she was easily able to pick out a few subtle yet alarming details. The faintly tearstained cheeks, the rumpled clothing, and the slight rasp caused by more than sleep painted a worrying picture.

“You needed me.” Rhea spoke softly. Her hand shifted, reaching up to move the hair out of Byleth’s face by tucking the strands gently behind her ear. Her fingers lingered against the silken locks.

Byleth unconsciously leaned into the hand. Her eyes closed and a pleased sound escaped her when, after a slight pause, long fingers began to slowly stroke through her hair. Opening her eyes after a few minutes of silently enjoying the calming ministrations, she nodded slightly.

“Yes.” Byleth murmured lowly.

“I am sorry that I could not be here sooner,” Rhea apologised, sincerely regretful. Had she known that Byleth needed her earlier, despite how it may have looked to those in attendance, she would have left the meeting without delay. “Do you wish to speak now about what troubles you?”

“I… don’t know,” Byleth’s tone was soft and hesitant. Spying the slight frown that slid across Rhea’s lips at her words, Byleth was quick to clarify. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Describe it to me,” Rhea offered quietly, fingers still lightly drifting across Byleth’s head, weaving in and out of the silken strands soothingly. “But do not rush yourself. Take all of the time you need; I will be here.”

“I was… fine this morning,” Byleth began haltingly, eyes flickering away. “It was only around midday that I… started to feel…”

Byleth struggled with finding the right words. A soft noise of frustration left her throat. She looked back at Rhea helplessly.

“What did you feel, dear one?” Rhea asked in concern, fingers slipping downwards to stroke lightly at a cheek.

“ _Everything_.” Byleth whispered, voice cracking. Despite her current emotional exhaustion, the phantom echo that pulsed through her had her breath catch in her throat only to escape as a quiet whimper. “It was _too much_.”

As that quiet sound of distress escaped Byleth’s throat, Rhea immediately moved. Hands gently pulling the younger woman closer, she held the smaller body securely to her with one arm, the other hand continuing to make soothing passes through her hair. It took only a moment before Byleth uncurled just enough to bury her head in Rhea’s shoulder, her hands gripping tightly at white robes, body shuddering lightly with each breath though her eyes remained dry.

“I am here, dear one,” Rhea cooed, her hand moving to rub long soothing circles against a shaking back. Slowly, she began to hum quietly, sweetly, a familiar tune.

Byleth was gradually able to regain control of her breathing, and a few minutes later shifted her head just enough to lay her ear against Rhea’s chest. Eyes closed, she let the sound of Rhea’s voice fully lull her into a state of calm. And though Rhea’s voice eventually slowed to a stop, the gentle beats beneath her ear continued, a music of its very own.

Byleth had never realised just how soothing the sound of one’s heartbeat could be.

Finally, after what could have been minutes or hours, Byleth sighed. Voice low but steady, she attempted once more to find the words to explain herself. “I’m not… used to feeling things this much… this _strongly_. It just kept building. It became… nearly overwhelming.”

“Then…” Byleth’s voice quieted further, fingers of one hand absently twisting back in forth, worrying the white fabric between them. “Then something would remind me of… It felt like it was happening again, as fresh as the first time. Perhaps even more so. I couldn’t...”

“It was too much,” Byleth reiterated, words fading to a mumble, eyes downcast. “I couldn’t breathe.”

“I see,” Rhea breathed, eyes closing. Hugging the body in her arms more securely to her chest, Rhea tilted her head to rest atop Byleth’s and sighed. “I… Allow me to offer my sincerest apologies.”

Byleth shifted slightly at those words, but Rhea simply held her tighter. Immediately settling, Byleth allowed herself to be held without protest.

“Had I known this would be one of the changes you’d experience, I would have done more to prepare you.” Rhea murmured. “What you experienced was… Well. The Goddess has blessed us with near-perfect recall. What I mean by that, is that we are able to review our memories with startling clarity.”

Rhea was silent for a moment, internally struggling with her next words before sighing shakily. Hesitantly, she continued, quiet voice gaining a tinge of melancholy. “Though my mother was taken from me long ago, I can still remember the sound of her voice, soothing me to sleep. Her scent, lingering on the wind. The color of her eyes, the shape of her smile - it is all fresh in my mind, and I am… grateful for that fact.”

Rhea blinked, cleared her throat. “But as you’ve no doubt realized; this blessing is also a double-edged sword. Certain memories, most often those associated with strong emotions, can creep up on you and consume you if you are not careful. This can be… debilitating, when the memories in question are so steeped in sorrow.”

“Do not despair, however. This is something that you can learn to control, so as not to become taken by surprise and overwhelmed once again,” Rhea smiled, felief creeping into her voice at the fact that she wasn’t entirely powerless to help soothe Byleth’s troubles. “Though you will no doubt come to adopt your own methods to best control it, I can help get you started by teaching you my own. I am certain Seteth and Flayn would be more than happy to share their methods as well, should you approach them.”

“…Thank you.” Byleth accepted, voice tired but relieved. While she was certain she could eventually come to appreciate such an ability, at the moment all she wanted was to feel normal once more. Teaching her students would quickly become impossible if she were constantly lost in the past.

“It is decided then.” Rhea stated suddenly, firmly. “I will clear my schedule tomorrow. We shall begin the lessons after a full night’s rest.”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly-” Byleth’s eyes widened at the abrupt declaration.

“Dear one-” Rhea’s tone was soothing, but Byleth was suddenly too nervous for it to register.

“You really don’t need to-” Byleth continued.

Rhea shifted, a warm hand rising to cup Byleth’s chin and tilt her head until green gazed into green. Byleth’s protests died in her throat.

“Please, Byleth. Understand that you are very dear to me,” Rhea’s words were unusually firm, her tone leaving no room for doubt. “And that your wellbeing, whether physical, emotional, or mental, is of my utmost priority. What I had scheduled tomorrow can be handled by Seteth or can wait for another day. _You_ cannot.”

At Byleth’s slow nod, Rhea’s voice gentled once more. Slight smile upon her lips, she murmured. “Good.”

Rhea hesitated a moment, before leaning forward and gently brushing her lips against a soft forehead. Studiously ignoring the emotion she saw reflected back at her from within those luminous eyes so similar yet so different from her own, Rhea pulled Byleth back into her embrace.

Cheek resting once more against soft hair, Rhea murmured. “I told you that I would always be here for you, for whatever reason, however big or small. This I swear.”

**Author's Note:**

> After hearing Rhea talk about losing her mother and the fact that she still felt like it had happened yesterday, I had the bright idea to give Nabateans the Drell (mass effect) problem of perfect recall to the point of literally getting lost in memories, experiencing them as if they were happening in real-time. Because, you know, Rhea’s past wasn’t tragic enough without her reliving it whenever she wasn’t careful. And of course, since my headcanon is that Sothis’ powers can’t be truly contained in a mortal vessel and so are slowly turning Byleth into a Nabatean…
> 
> I’m truly terrible, but the thought wouldn’t go away.


End file.
